Day 5

It's working. It's really working!

I am down 8 pounds on day 5 of this whole thing. My body has been aching today, but the bad headache has not come back. And, I think I'm starting to feel a little bit more energy from within.

I've learned to mix the shakes a little differently, so that they don't get too foamy and that has been better, too. I must admit though, that I am learning to appreciate food much more than before.

Yesterday, I bought lots of different vegetables and spent hours washing and cutting them up. Then, I made myself a HUGE stirfry with brown rice. It was wonderful. I'm not sure I liked it more than my luscious sandwich the day before, but I really did enjoy both.

Did I mention the aches? Right now, as I sit and write the backs of my legs are aching - earlier is was my quads. Funny what detoxing does to a body.

I was thinking today about how God answered this prayer about losing weight, and that this probably has more to do with changing something within me than the actual losing weight and getting healthy. I'm hearing this still small voice, that is almost not audible, saying or asking me if food was more important to me than I realized. I know I ate too much, and I know I liked many of the things not good for me, (like Hawkins Cheezies...LOVE those things!) but I also went to food for many reasons.

Boredom
Sadness
Celebration
Easy friendship
Seeking satisfaction
Hurtfulness
Unknown tomorrows
Instant gratification
Prolonged gratification
Stress release
Procrastination
Loneliness

As I list these, I realize how often I would turn to the nurturing goodness of food to fill what was so much more than physical hunger. It was an easy drug, a friendly drug, a satisfying drug...until the symptoms of the addiction began to appear.

Uncomfortable clothes
Self loathing
Anger
Unsatisfaction
Self pity
Irritation
Laziness

And this isn't news to us. We know this about ourselves. We know that we try to replace what we really need with substitutes. Alcohol, drugs, sex, facebook, television, food.

So now is my time to fill these empty places with what is truly needed.

I know this involves God.
I know this involves stopping long enough to hear the voice telling me where to go for filling.
I know this involves listening and hearing.
I know this means following and not leading.

All I can do now is finish Day 5.