Day 8 is almost behind me...day 8. So often we are immobilized by time. It stops us from believing that we can do something that could help us. Often, it is the letting go of something that is of value to us. We think we cannot accomplish a goal if it involves giving up our 'treasure' for a period of time.
Worst case scenario...addictions.
Because really, how do you help an addict? You convince them that their drug of choice is not needed in their life over the next period of time. I know it is much more complicated than that, but knowing that time will pass without the 'drug' is usually more than they are willing to give up.
Food was my drug of choice. I didn't think that I could give up most foods for one whole month, but yet, I just finished Day 8. I can't believe I've been doing this for 8 days! And I've been passing by all the stuff that I would love to put in my mouth.
Day 8 - 8.5 pounds - 12 inches.....gone!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Day 5
It's working. It's really working!
I am down 8 pounds on day 5 of this whole thing. My body has been aching today, but the bad headache has not come back. And, I think I'm starting to feel a little bit more energy from within.
I've learned to mix the shakes a little differently, so that they don't get too foamy and that has been better, too. I must admit though, that I am learning to appreciate food much more than before.
Yesterday, I bought lots of different vegetables and spent hours washing and cutting them up. Then, I made myself a HUGE stirfry with brown rice. It was wonderful. I'm not sure I liked it more than my luscious sandwich the day before, but I really did enjoy both.
Did I mention the aches? Right now, as I sit and write the backs of my legs are aching - earlier is was my quads. Funny what detoxing does to a body.
I was thinking today about how God answered this prayer about losing weight, and that this probably has more to do with changing something within me than the actual losing weight and getting healthy. I'm hearing this still small voice, that is almost not audible, saying or asking me if food was more important to me than I realized. I know I ate too much, and I know I liked many of the things not good for me, (like Hawkins Cheezies...LOVE those things!) but I also went to food for many reasons.
Boredom
Sadness
Celebration
Easy friendship
Seeking satisfaction
Hurtfulness
Unknown tomorrows
Instant gratification
Prolonged gratification
Stress release
Procrastination
Loneliness
As I list these, I realize how often I would turn to the nurturing goodness of food to fill what was so much more than physical hunger. It was an easy drug, a friendly drug, a satisfying drug...until the symptoms of the addiction began to appear.
Uncomfortable clothes
Self loathing
Anger
Unsatisfaction
Self pity
Irritation
Laziness
And this isn't news to us. We know this about ourselves. We know that we try to replace what we really need with substitutes. Alcohol, drugs, sex, facebook, television, food.
So now is my time to fill these empty places with what is truly needed.
I know this involves God.
I know this involves stopping long enough to hear the voice telling me where to go for filling.
I know this involves listening and hearing.
I know this means following and not leading.
All I can do now is finish Day 5.
I am down 8 pounds on day 5 of this whole thing. My body has been aching today, but the bad headache has not come back. And, I think I'm starting to feel a little bit more energy from within.
I've learned to mix the shakes a little differently, so that they don't get too foamy and that has been better, too. I must admit though, that I am learning to appreciate food much more than before.
Yesterday, I bought lots of different vegetables and spent hours washing and cutting them up. Then, I made myself a HUGE stirfry with brown rice. It was wonderful. I'm not sure I liked it more than my luscious sandwich the day before, but I really did enjoy both.
Did I mention the aches? Right now, as I sit and write the backs of my legs are aching - earlier is was my quads. Funny what detoxing does to a body.
I was thinking today about how God answered this prayer about losing weight, and that this probably has more to do with changing something within me than the actual losing weight and getting healthy. I'm hearing this still small voice, that is almost not audible, saying or asking me if food was more important to me than I realized. I know I ate too much, and I know I liked many of the things not good for me, (like Hawkins Cheezies...LOVE those things!) but I also went to food for many reasons.
Boredom
Sadness
Celebration
Easy friendship
Seeking satisfaction
Hurtfulness
Unknown tomorrows
Instant gratification
Prolonged gratification
Stress release
Procrastination
Loneliness
As I list these, I realize how often I would turn to the nurturing goodness of food to fill what was so much more than physical hunger. It was an easy drug, a friendly drug, a satisfying drug...until the symptoms of the addiction began to appear.
Uncomfortable clothes
Self loathing
Anger
Unsatisfaction
Self pity
Irritation
Laziness
And this isn't news to us. We know this about ourselves. We know that we try to replace what we really need with substitutes. Alcohol, drugs, sex, facebook, television, food.
So now is my time to fill these empty places with what is truly needed.
I know this involves God.
I know this involves stopping long enough to hear the voice telling me where to go for filling.
I know this involves listening and hearing.
I know this means following and not leading.
All I can do now is finish Day 5.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Day 3
I woke up this morning feeling good. No headache. I was glad the nasty stuff from the day before was no longer there. Then, I went on the scale to see how I was doing and my weight went down 5 pounds!! That made be happy.
Okay, maybe this is feeling worth it.
Now, back to the yucky drink and the shakes that I'm already tired of. Perhaps I need a better attitude to get through this.
Only 27 days to go.
Okay, maybe this is feeling worth it.
Now, back to the yucky drink and the shakes that I'm already tired of. Perhaps I need a better attitude to get through this.
Only 27 days to go.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Oh oh
It's just day 2 and I have a continual headache and I'm cold and feel yicky.
From everything I read - this is normal. I guess I'm that toxic or that addicted to caffeine and sugar. Oh the joy of withdrawal.
The worst part....I hate the shakes!
28 more days to go!!
From everything I read - this is normal. I guess I'm that toxic or that addicted to caffeine and sugar. Oh the joy of withdrawal.
The worst part....I hate the shakes!
28 more days to go!!
On your mark...
So, the 'miracle' came. It arrived in a very large box. So many different cannisters and liquids and instructions. I wasn't overwhelmed, I was excited and hopeful. I also was continuing to eat what I wanted for one more day, so, no wonder I was excited and hopeful. I was still revelling in instant gratification but the weightloss answer was in my grasp.
The next morning(yesterday)I began the program. There was a shake for breakfast, plus some pills(to increase my metabolism), a shake for lunch(another pill) and then I was able to eat supper. It was a very healthy supper - salmon, brown rice and asparagus. I felt so good about what I was eating. Then, right before bed, I had 1 oz of this drink.....YUCK. Only 1 oz a day - I think I can do it. And then, more pills to help my colon not get bogged down with the toxins. One day down.
As I woke up this morning, I had that same feeling of,"is this my life?". I'm not really sure where that is coming from? Perhaps it could be the whole fact that my eating has been turned to drinking and maybe that norm has been totally upset. I loved waking up to a coffee, sitting in my living room reading and praying and then to a piece of toast. Is my life so upset because I don't have that in my life right now? Was food another god that is too hard to give up? Is this just another stripping away of things in my life?
And, oh yes, the constant headache and lethargic feeling being caused by this cleanse is not endearing to me. When does the burst of energy come?
Well, the honeymoon is definitely over. I'm beginning to wish I hadn't started this. Is this what God had in mind? It must be - He knows the future - so perhaps it just wasn't what I had in mind.
The next morning(yesterday)I began the program. There was a shake for breakfast, plus some pills(to increase my metabolism), a shake for lunch(another pill) and then I was able to eat supper. It was a very healthy supper - salmon, brown rice and asparagus. I felt so good about what I was eating. Then, right before bed, I had 1 oz of this drink.....YUCK. Only 1 oz a day - I think I can do it. And then, more pills to help my colon not get bogged down with the toxins. One day down.
As I woke up this morning, I had that same feeling of,"is this my life?". I'm not really sure where that is coming from? Perhaps it could be the whole fact that my eating has been turned to drinking and maybe that norm has been totally upset. I loved waking up to a coffee, sitting in my living room reading and praying and then to a piece of toast. Is my life so upset because I don't have that in my life right now? Was food another god that is too hard to give up? Is this just another stripping away of things in my life?
And, oh yes, the constant headache and lethargic feeling being caused by this cleanse is not endearing to me. When does the burst of energy come?
Well, the honeymoon is definitely over. I'm beginning to wish I hadn't started this. Is this what God had in mind? It must be - He knows the future - so perhaps it just wasn't what I had in mind.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Weird answer
I have been writing about letting God take complete control of me, in every aspect of my life. I have also said that that means every-single-thing...everything. All the stuff that I had lumped together in my 'just life' pile, I have decided that if God said to trust Him for everything, then I really need to trust Him for every-thing....including weight loss.
So, the past few months I have been getting more and more depressed with trying to lose weight. I increased my exercise - a friend and I go 3x at week. That has felt great, but I haven't lost any weight. Then, I tried tracking food with a food journal to get me on board again with portion control or counting my points(WW). But, that hasn't been going so good.
For the past 2 weeks, I have been praying and crying and whining and basically, giving up any hope of ever losing this weight that my body has put back on. My prayers have been sounding pretty desperate. I have been totally honest with God and have told Him that I don't know what to do next. I had, in fact, given up. I was at my end.
Well, about a week ago my sister in law called and left a message about a new thing her and her family had started. It was a program that helped detoxify your body and give it the natural minerals and nutrition that it needed to function normally rather than be bogged down with everything toxic. In the process of all this, your body dropped weight.
It sounded too good to be true. After hearing her message, I rolled my eyes and said out loud, "Oh brother!" I couldn't believe that she was trying to sell this to me! But even as I said that, there was a voice in my head that said, "You asked for help". I was dumbfounded. I stood there, and as I processed this I said, "Seriously, Lord...this is your answer?" It seemed too wacky to be my weight loss answer from GOD! How many useless pills and drinks and drugs were out there proclaiming to be every one's answer to weight loss? Surely, God would not use something as tacky as 'another wonder formula'.
A few days later I talked to her, and I must admit that I was becoming a believer. It was sounding healthy and logical. It wasn't just another magic potion. There was work involved as far as eating right. I would love to give it a try.
If only it didn't cost so much.
I got off the phone and told my husband that I wouldn't be able to try it - we didn't have the money right now(we are in major debt-reduction) for me to do this. But, I did say that if this truly was God's way of helping me, He would provide. I would trust Him for it, or know that this wasn't for me.
My sister in law called me today.
She said, 'would you like to try it'
I said, 'love to, but I can't afford it'
She said, 'I'll pay for you'
I said, 'NO'
She said, 'YES'
I said, 'you shouldn't have to do that'
She said, 'your brother just said we're doing it'
I said, 'why'
She said, 'we really believe in this for you'
I said, ' '
God had just provided for me. God had just provided for me in a way I would have NEVER thought of.
Maybe this... is His answer.
So, the past few months I have been getting more and more depressed with trying to lose weight. I increased my exercise - a friend and I go 3x at week. That has felt great, but I haven't lost any weight. Then, I tried tracking food with a food journal to get me on board again with portion control or counting my points(WW). But, that hasn't been going so good.
For the past 2 weeks, I have been praying and crying and whining and basically, giving up any hope of ever losing this weight that my body has put back on. My prayers have been sounding pretty desperate. I have been totally honest with God and have told Him that I don't know what to do next. I had, in fact, given up. I was at my end.
Well, about a week ago my sister in law called and left a message about a new thing her and her family had started. It was a program that helped detoxify your body and give it the natural minerals and nutrition that it needed to function normally rather than be bogged down with everything toxic. In the process of all this, your body dropped weight.
It sounded too good to be true. After hearing her message, I rolled my eyes and said out loud, "Oh brother!" I couldn't believe that she was trying to sell this to me! But even as I said that, there was a voice in my head that said, "You asked for help". I was dumbfounded. I stood there, and as I processed this I said, "Seriously, Lord...this is your answer?" It seemed too wacky to be my weight loss answer from GOD! How many useless pills and drinks and drugs were out there proclaiming to be every one's answer to weight loss? Surely, God would not use something as tacky as 'another wonder formula'.
A few days later I talked to her, and I must admit that I was becoming a believer. It was sounding healthy and logical. It wasn't just another magic potion. There was work involved as far as eating right. I would love to give it a try.
If only it didn't cost so much.
I got off the phone and told my husband that I wouldn't be able to try it - we didn't have the money right now(we are in major debt-reduction) for me to do this. But, I did say that if this truly was God's way of helping me, He would provide. I would trust Him for it, or know that this wasn't for me.
My sister in law called me today.
She said, 'would you like to try it'
I said, 'love to, but I can't afford it'
She said, 'I'll pay for you'
I said, 'NO'
She said, 'YES'
I said, 'you shouldn't have to do that'
She said, 'your brother just said we're doing it'
I said, 'why'
She said, 'we really believe in this for you'
I said, ' '
God had just provided for me. God had just provided for me in a way I would have NEVER thought of.
Maybe this... is His answer.
Monday, November 1, 2010
A new month
I am going from being absolutely bored out of my mind last night....to not being able to catch my breath today. I wish I had last night back!
So I started the food tracker this morning - wrote everything down at breakfast....and that's where it stopped. Ugh!! I hate that. But on a happy note, I did my 5 km walk today. It's starting to feel good and I miss it when it isn't there. Did I happen to mention that I went on my own on Friday?? Without my friend?? Quite proud of myself,I must say. That was before I came home and decided I should eat, without tracking it. TOMORROW.
I've been thinking about this whole process. Thinking about what other things in my life are disorganized and sloppy and not streamlined.
Being mostly a creative brain, I don't do well with routine and functionality and consistency. I tend to enjoy the 'tangents' in life. The blurred frenzy of a new idea and a new vision of a project that has great hope and expectancy in the caverns of my brain. It makes me excited and hopeful and full of life. Sometimes it lasts until the project is complete, but mostly it falls victim to my inconsistent work ethic. Basically that means if it isn't fun any longer, it doesn't get done. Persistance is not one of my strong points.
Now, I have to admit that I have had some success in certain areas. I have completed tasks (well, certain tasks for sure if you call cooking for my family most days for the past 18 years consistent)and have felt the pleasure of completion, and I must say the whole 'pleasure of completion' is quite powerful and affirming. There is even a tiny bit of pride that makes me feel a little superior as I complete a task.
But, where was I? Oh right - the whole disorganized thing.
Here's my thought...what if I started to declutter some of the things that need decluttering? My jewellery chest, for example. I could probably get rid of half of the things in there. Every morning when I get ready for work I tell myself that I really need to get clean it out. This conversation has been going on several months.
Would that help me in my pursuit of losing weight?
So I started the food tracker this morning - wrote everything down at breakfast....and that's where it stopped. Ugh!! I hate that. But on a happy note, I did my 5 km walk today. It's starting to feel good and I miss it when it isn't there. Did I happen to mention that I went on my own on Friday?? Without my friend?? Quite proud of myself,I must say. That was before I came home and decided I should eat, without tracking it. TOMORROW.
I've been thinking about this whole process. Thinking about what other things in my life are disorganized and sloppy and not streamlined.
Being mostly a creative brain, I don't do well with routine and functionality and consistency. I tend to enjoy the 'tangents' in life. The blurred frenzy of a new idea and a new vision of a project that has great hope and expectancy in the caverns of my brain. It makes me excited and hopeful and full of life. Sometimes it lasts until the project is complete, but mostly it falls victim to my inconsistent work ethic. Basically that means if it isn't fun any longer, it doesn't get done. Persistance is not one of my strong points.
Now, I have to admit that I have had some success in certain areas. I have completed tasks (well, certain tasks for sure if you call cooking for my family most days for the past 18 years consistent)and have felt the pleasure of completion, and I must say the whole 'pleasure of completion' is quite powerful and affirming. There is even a tiny bit of pride that makes me feel a little superior as I complete a task.
But, where was I? Oh right - the whole disorganized thing.
Here's my thought...what if I started to declutter some of the things that need decluttering? My jewellery chest, for example. I could probably get rid of half of the things in there. Every morning when I get ready for work I tell myself that I really need to get clean it out. This conversation has been going on several months.
Would that help me in my pursuit of losing weight?
